Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
