Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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