I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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