she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize