How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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