i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
