Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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