I just pynch a tree in the face
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
