Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
