I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
