The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
