Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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