yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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