Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
