thus making me awesome and them whores
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
