That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
