I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
