why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
