update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
