Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
