How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
