She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
