I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
