That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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