I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize