I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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