Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
