dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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