As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
