im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize