just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
