The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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