He asked to "fluff my boner.."
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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