I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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