Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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