I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just googled if crying burns calories
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
