I will die if light touches me.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
