You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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