onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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