clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize