Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
