At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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