I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize