dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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