i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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