You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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