pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
3 2 1 whiskey
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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