Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
