We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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