Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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