Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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