"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
