I'm sorry my penis didn't work
one might say we're banned from that church
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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