At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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