i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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