Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
