He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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