do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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