sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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