she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
