Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
