she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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