you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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