im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
