and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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