As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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