I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
