so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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