you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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