What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
