I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
